Charles Babbage Sent Me

Computer Nerd: “Good Afternoon Gentlemen.  What can I help you find today?”

Your Humble Correspondent: “A laptop for my boy here.  Needs it for school.”

CN: “Right!  Well, we have a nice selection right over here.  I suggest…”

YHC:  “Ahem.  You were recommended to us as a place that might have some, er, special items…”

CN:  “We certainly serve a wide range of customers, Sir.  From those with rather common place needs on up to those with, shall we say, discriminating tastes?”

YHC:  “My first computer had a hard drive capacity of 20 megabytes.  That was before you were born.”

CN:  “I see.  Now, if you will just step over here.  Yes, behind that display.  And your voices, perhaps a bit of discretion would be in order..”

YHC:  “So.  Do you have any?”

CN:  “What you are looking for is very difficult to find these days.  Very difficult indeed.  But if you promise to keep quiet about it I think we can make a satisfactory arrangement for you.”

YHC:  “So you do have it then?”

CN:  “Yes indeed.  Here before you, in a world filled with gaudy trash is a fine example of functional beauty.  A computer that will serve you without complaint or flaw.  A reminder of an earlier, a simpler, yes I will say it, a better time.  Please give it a good home, respect it and cherish it.”

And so it was that we bought one of the last Windows 7 computers on the – more or less – open market.

The Dog Days King of Iceland

The hot, lazy days of late July and early August have been known since ancient times as "the dog days".  Although you can easily imagine a languid dog sleeping in the heat the name actually comes from  the Romans.  The hottest time of the year was also a time of sickness, which they felt to be under the influence of the star Sirius, largest in the constellation Canis Major (the large dog).

When double checking a few facts on the matter of "dog days" I encountered a remarkable biography, one I could not resist investigating further.  Here then is the bizarre tale of the "Dog Days King of Iceland".

Jorgen Jorgenson did not have a happy childhood.  Although quite bright he did poorly in school and was expelled at age 14.  Although he was Danish it was arranged that he would go to sea on an English merchant ship.  After the fashion of such times he was caught up by a press gang that delightful method of staffing the British Royal Navy by simply grabbing trained sailors from seaside taverns or directly off of their ships.

He spent a number of years in the South Seas, visiting Australia and New Zealand, before returning to his homeland just in time to witness first hand the Battle of Copenhagen in which Admiral Horatio Nelson attacked the anchored Danish-Norse fleet.  As there was no formal declaration of war involved, the phrase "to Copenhagen" was a term for a surprise attack long before Pearl Harbor came along historically.

Jorgenson was soon given command of a small naval vessel that sailed for France, but was captured by a British ship.  He was put "on parole", which mostly consisted of hanging around in England with nothing much to do.

News came to him that Iceland was short of food.  He talked a merchant into funding a single ship expedition to trade with Iceland.  His first attempt failed.  Despite flying false colors as an American ship, his vessel was determined to be British.  Probably noticing the current state of hostilities the Danish governor of Iceland refused to let any trading occur.

Returning to England the irrepressible Jorgenson launched another trade mission to Iceland, this time with two ships.  The Flora and the Margaret and Anne reached Iceland in June of 1809.

At this point the goings on start to sound like a cheaply written comic opera.

The governor of the island, Count Trampe, would still not permit trading.  So on Sunday when most of the population was in church, Jorgenson and his sailors surrounded the governor's house and arrested him.  Jorgenson proclaimed himself "His Excellency, the Protector of Iceland, Commander in Chief by Land and Sea".  Taxes were remitted.  Danish property given away. The salaries of clergy were increased.  There were promises of peace and cheap food.

It all was going so very well until a British ship turned up in August and deposed Jorgenson.  As his brief reign corresponded to the Dog Days of Summer he is remembered in Iceland as The Dog Days King.  It should also be noted that late summer in the newspaper business was once called The Silly Season, and this sort of tale would fit right in.

I recommend those interested in the later adventures of Jorgen Jorgenson to peruse this remarkable biographical sketch.  For those short of time I will simply say that his later career was no less eccentric.  At various times he was imprisoned for breaking parole, for bad debts and for pawning his land lady's furniture.  He found intermittent employ as a spy, an author, a surveyor, an editor, a drunkard and in one remarkable instance a rather successful ship's surgeon.  (While being shipped as a convict to Australia he was assistant to the ship's doctor.  When said individual died Jorgen just took over the job).

Once established in Tasmania, then called Van Diemen's Land, he served in the police force with some gallantry against the "Bushrangers", convicts who had gone into the wild as bandits.  Probably he was less gallant in action during The Black War, a genocidal campaign against the aboriginal inhabitants.

Oh, and he also married an ex-convict woman named Deborah Carbon in 1831, and managed to write two volumes of his autobiography before his death in 1841.

Two volumes was probably not enough.

More on The Dog Days King here.

Memorable ER Quotes-Seven

Middle of the night.  An older fellow is brought in, retired Professor.  He might have had a minor fall, and there is concern that he is unsteady.

Nothing major turns up.  His blood pressure is a little low.  Ditto his heart rate, but that seems to be an ongoing issue.  And he is sober as a judge.  Well, as sober as some judges I know, with a blood alcohol level roughly two and a half times legal intoxication.

He is a widower it seems, and is lonely in the Assisted Living apartments.  He likes his gin.

And he likes his ladies.  I had a nurse get him up on his feet for the final, most practical test of stability.

His flushed face beamed with happiness as he strode down the hall way, fairly steady and with a young lady at his elbow.

He raised his free arm up high as if brandishing a triumphant sword, exclaiming:

"EXCELSIOR!, EXCELSIOR!"

I sent him back to the apartments.

Memorable ER Quotes Six

"I am a Professional Poker Player"

This was from a pleasant young man in his early 20's who seemed to be strategically cultivating the look of someone in their mid teens.

------------------------



"I am Maha Maya, the Mother of all Buddas!"


This from a rather vocal individual who was demanding five glasses of ice water and to be medivaced out immediately.

---------------------------

A patient being admitted for another problem entirely pointed out some odd scratches on his abdomen.

"I bet you can't guess how I got those."

I admitted I could not.

"I was attacked by a chickadee."

Economic Report - Summer of 2013

The economy in summer resort areas has some quirks.  A larger than usual percentage of it is directed towards indulging various minor vices.  Here is a local emporium;

Fudge, Liquor and Fireworks.  Yep, that just about covers it.

Tree Shaped Tombstones - On the Bench, Part Two

Benches in the fashion of Tree Shaped Tombstones are rather pretty things.  Functional too.

So, why didn't they catch on?  Well, as I walked around Forest Lawn Cemetery in St. Paul it soon became obvious that these memorials had some issues with design.  Now, the above specimen is on a nice solid foundation of cement.  Some were not, and displayed variable levels of sinking and tilting...

Even the specimens that are mostly upright had problems.  It is just plain sad to see things like this...

And worse..

These things are heavy, and unlike conventional tombstones they have long, weight bearing segments across the back and seat of the bench.  It is not always easy to tell, but in numerous instances it looked as if these components had been replaced after breakage, going from the original limestone to either cement or some other sort of stone.  For instance:

Clearly both units have been replaced.  In my previous post I noted numbers carved into the benches. This seems very unlikely to have been allowed in the original production of the memorials....what family would accept delivery with crude numbers scratched on them?  But as markers on replacement parts years later, I could buy that.

It is a little disturbing to see something designed to last forever fall into disrepair.

But I guess there is only so much you can do with a flawed design, or at a minimum, one not well suited to the extremes of northern climates.

In times past, and even today, there were often monument companies located near cemeteries. Perhaps there was one close to hand that specialized in this interesting style of tombstone.  They certainly seemed to turn up at Forest Lawn in abundance, but have to be regarded as rare birds overall.

Tree Shaped Tombstones - On The Bench, Part One

I had seen one or two pictures of benches in the style of "tree shaped tombstones", so one day when I was playing around with Google Maps I was not particularly surprised to spot, from orbit, an example in the Forest Lawn Cemetery in St. Paul Minnesota. Actually, it looked like there were several of them.

It took a while for me to be in the area with time to spare for a side trip, but one sunny afternoon I drove on over.

As it happens, this cemetery is another of those odd places where tree shaped tombstones are common....and it has a remarkable number of tree-benches.

Here is one typical specimen:

And here in one view are three, with a tree shaped planter to boot.

Forest Lawn Cemetery is full of these things.  Without visiting every nook and cranny I am just estimating, but there are probably forty or fifty of them on the grounds.

They are all similar, although there is enough variation in the pattern of the stumps and limbs to show that the sides of these were hand carved.  And after a while you start to notice smaller differences. Here are a couple of examples with small odd flourishes....left by the stone carvers for no reason I can fathom...

Here is one with a more elaborate back piece, giving names and dates of the departed.  I assume the death date of the first to go is the approximate age of these memorials.

Here is another bit of ornamentation, a Masonic emblem on the back piece.

All in all rather nice memorials.  I can easily imagine putting one of these up on the family plot, then sitting there in a contemplative mood imagining that a beloved one who had passed on was sitting next to me in spirit.  So why are these so rare?  I will spin a few theories in my next posting, but the first clue was this:

I had thought that this number, carved into the seat of one of these tree shaped benches, was just a bit of petty vandalism.  But then I found two other examples...a #2 and a #17.  Too specific for vandals, especially when this well kept establishment had no other evidence of such misbehaviour.

So, what does it mean?  Why so many benches there?  Why so few elsewhere?  And....numbers on the benches?  I will be back tomorrow with more pictures and thoughts on Tree Shaped Bench memorials.