Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Establishing my Bona Fides......near the North Pole

After a fair amount of prodding this year I finally signed on to Facebook, primarily as a way to keep in touch with my UK archaeology pals.  They are it seems too post-modern to use dull old email.  At the time I just threw whatever onto my profile.  I have never taken computer matters particularly seriously, I learn systems well enough to subvert them and no farther.

Well, evidently it is not permitted to have a Facebook profile under a pseudonym.  Some sort of user agreement nonsense that I never bothered to read.  I seem to be under their radar for the moment. That is a bit surprising as I have actively taunted them a little.  But at some point it seems likely that Facebook will question the bona fides of a certain Badger Trowelsworthy, purported resident of Arsuk, Greenland.  And I am getting ready for them.

How about this:

Með því vantar auga Óðins! Þú getur ekki bannað mig frá Facebook. Það er nákvæmlega ekkert annað að gera í Arsuk!

I couldn't parse it out in Greenlandic so had to settle for Icelandic.  This says "By Odin's missing eyeball don't ban me from Facebook!  There is literally nothing else to do in Arsuk!"

Or maybe I will try a different tack...

Dear Facebook.  My apologies.  Everyone actually does call me Badger.  My real name is Bajir Trowelsworthy.  My dad was an embassy staffer and my mom a Syrian national.  I anglicized it a bit to avoid Islamophobic haters.  You are not Islamophobic haters, are you?

I don't know, they might be.  So my trump card is to play off the famous "Virginia" letter...

Dear Badger;

Some of my internet friends say there is no Badger Trowelsworthy...


Dear Facebook;

Your internet friends are wrong.  They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do no believe except they see.  They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds....

Yes Facebook, there is a Badger Trowelsworthy.  He exists as certainly as jolly nights in the pub and brilliant sunrises over ancient hills exist, and you know that they abound and give your life moments of whimsy and fulfillment. ....

The most real things in the world are those that neither children or men can see.  Did you ever see faeries dancing on the lawn?  Of course not, but stay for a couple more rounds of pints and stories and you very well might.

....There is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even united strength of a network of Facebook advertising spambots could tear apart.  Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it real?  Ah, Facebook, in all cyberspace there is nothing else real and abiding.  

Oh, I admit the part about the reindeer is exaggerated some....

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