Three Guys versus the Asian Carp

This rather unassuming fellow is an Asian Carp.  Specifically, a silver carp.  Not much to look at really, is it?  Back in 1993 a handful of these escaped from a catfish farm in Arkansas, where they had been introduced to keep the water clean.  They got into the Mississippi River and started moving steadily northward.

Asian Carp do very well here, and when they hit the Illinois River they had reached their Promised Land.  Being an extremely fertile and efficient species they have reproduced to the point that some estimates have their numbers at ten billion fish just in the Illinois River.  No, not a typo that, Ten Billion Asian Carp.

Normally we Americans applaud success, and to go from a couple dozen to numbers beyond comprehension in less than twenty years is an impressive feat.  But the whole concept of Asians of any stripe horrifically out competing us is abrasive in these economic times.  And the Asian Carp are a major nuisance.  In addition to driving out native species, the darned things do this:

And this:

The vibrations from outboard motors bother them, so they jump out of the water.  Boaters get clobbered.  Injuries are common. 

Nobody really knows how to get rid of the critters, but it is clear where the current front line is.  The Illinois River connects to Lake Michigan through a shipping canal, which is tenuously protected by electric shock barriers.  What would happen when billions of Asian Carp break through into the Great Lakes is terrible to consider.

There was actually an Asian Carp Summit held at the White House last year where officials from the several Great Lakes states got together to voice concerns.  Stern memos were drafted.

Surprisingly these had little impact.

So on a blazing hot day in July three guys decided to take matters into their own hands.  With roughly 3.3 billion for each of us we knew we had some work to do as we cast off into the Illinois River aboard the good ship Sulaco II.



Number One son running the motor.  He had one carp brush against his cap as it jumped clear over the boat!



Number Three son, better prepared for carp impact.  And looking very Apocalypse Now.

 We motored about at high speeds trying to annoy the carp into jumping so we could smite them with assorted hand weapons.  Some hit the boat with enough force to make it seem like we had been torpedoed.  A couple of us took glancing hits from ten pound fish as they went airborne.  And I can speak from experience now, they smart a bit.

Here you can see a silver carp lying down in the hold amongst our weaponry.  The machete lacked enough reach to be effective, although I think I winged a couple with the T ball bat.  But the best Anti-Carp weapon proved to be a pitchfork we had purchased at a flea market the day before.  It was lots of fun to wield, but it must be admitted that it is difficult to nail a carp on the fly.  They just come at you from nowhere.

Difficult.  Not impossible!

I can't say we really reduced the numbers of the Asian Carp hordes by much.  We found that the carp only jumped in twos and threes, not the huge swarms that we had been expecting.  Apparently two strains of Asian Carp, silvers and bigheads have been interbreeding.  About 85% of them are now hybrids, making them bigger, maybe smarter, but less predisposed to the dramatic jumping behavior. 

As we headed back to the boat landing we went past an Illinois Department of Natural Resources fish shocking boat.  In the same areas where we had encountered quiet waters they had the surface churning with dozens of carp leaping simultaneously like some demented Busby Berkeley water ballet.

It makes one a bit pessimistic.  Evolution is usually a slow process, but when you have billions of fish each producing thousands of offspring it will probably not be long before a mutant turns up that finds the electroshock barriers to be a pleasant experience, sort of like the Magic Fingers Beds you once saw in motels.  15 minutes later they will be through to Lake Michigan.

Perhaps stern memos will not be enough.  Stern actions may also be called for.  Lets hope we do not have to resort to the "Ellen Ripley Option".

     "I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.....It's the only way to be sure."

Addendum 11 March 2012.  For those interested in a Carp safari you might try contacting these fellows.  They seem like guys who are really enjoying the fight against the Carp Peril.  They have some great videos of their antics.  Have a look at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yhfd9dIkXEk&feature=related

Although they employ many of the same weapons we wielded they had a lot more success.  Even though they were laughing the entire time!