"A Pox Upon You!" - Modern Sensitive Edition.

In the odd news of last week I found this: "Monkeypox to get a new name, says WHO".  Why?  Well it is the usual strange modern sensibilities. 

'It comes after more than 30 scientists wrote last week about the "urgent need for a non-discriminatory and non-stigmatizing" name for the virus and the disease it causes.'

Wikipedia image: credit Carlos Delgado

This of course begs the question of exactly what stigma and potential discrimination is involved.  Presumably the semantic gymnastics here have arrived at the conclusion that Monkeypox will cause offense to the continent of Africa and the inhabitants thereof.  Never mind that monkeys are also found in South and Central America, Asia, a few hanging on at Gibraltar and some colonies of escapees thriving in Florida.  

I don't make light of any disease, but you have to admit that Monkeypox is a funny concept.  I recall David Letterman going on at length about it back when he was entertaining.

But if that is how the World Health Organization wants to play ball then fine.  Did you know that there are lots of other "pox" diseases?  Here's a partial listing with, as necessary, my comments on why they MUST BE CHANGED NOW.

1. Camelpox.  Clearly offensive to various nations and ethnicities in the Middle East.  It must go...even though the only human transmission of the infection occurred in India.

2. Cowpox.  As a citizen of Wisconsin - America's Dairy Land - I am profoundly triggered and offended.  

3.  Goatpox.  Given the initial reports of Monkeypox turning up at STD clinics I'm not goin' there.

4. Horsepox.  A Pox upon My Little Pony?  I'm on board for that one.

5. Raccoonpox.  Masked thieves.  Offensive to the "justice involved" demographic? 

6. Sealpox.  The Inuit People of the Artic rise up in outrage.

7. Sheeppox.  Not goin' there either.

8. Squirrelpox.  Since this is a disease brought in by immigrant grey squirrels that is wiping out native populations of reds squirrels in the UK, any mention of it must be anti-immigrant MAGA disinfo.

9. Skunkpox.  Fine. A species whose reputation can go no lower.

10. Swinepox.  Certainly offensive to the great state of Iowa.

11. Volepox.  If you know what a vole is feel free to comment and raise the battle standard for Vole Rights.  If you have a Voter Rights flag a few bits of duct tape will suffice.

Special Dishonorable Mention number one:  not a specific vector but Lumpy Skin Disease Virus is in the same family.  It is clearly stigmatizing to most of us over 50.

Special Dishonorable Mention number two:  There is an entire subfamily of pox viruses that affect birds.  To keep my screed short I've left these off.  But Canarypox is obviously a dog whistle reference to the Monkeypox outbreak that got well and truly up and running at a wild party on the Canary Islands.  And somehow somebody will take offense at Penguinpox.  

Observant readers will note that I am giving a free pass to a couple of better known pox diseases.  Chickenpox, while perhaps offensive to those with social anxiety disorder, is actually named not for the domestic chickens but for chick peas.  This admirably Vegan legume does look a bit like chickenpox lesions, at least until they hit the oozing and crusting stage.  And Smallpox.  Oh sure quite offensive to Little People but the disease is extinct, no longer found in the wild and known to be held under the tightest security in a single US lab.  Oh, and also one in Russia which should be OK because they have not had a major biolab Ooopsie in roughly fifty years.  Not bad by the standards of geographically unspecified Communist countries....

Here's the CDC's full list of pox virus diseases.  Expect it to be tidied up shortly.